Sounds: Lower Dens - Nova Anthem

This is a good song:

True Fact: This is dumb: Pee Pants

Modern technology now allows you to piss yourself:

No more having to take off those pesky pants!

http://mypeepants.com/

MC Pee Pants: Please sue.

New Song:

I wrote this for a friend who just moved and I think I tapped into a little emotional reservoir, a cistern of happy/sadness, a (let's see how long we can keep this up) amphora of clashing forces, a septic tank of hope. That was a bit much. Didn't mean for this piece to be so somber, but really, I've had three of my best, closest friends, friends who make San Francisco home for me, move away in the past two years. What's this whole growing up, moving on bullshit? At the same time, pretty crazy stoked for all of them: starting new adventures, lives, living in new cities/countries. It's a mixed emotional bag: love that they are expanding their lives, sucks they they are leaving. The only constant is change. And thus:

The Robots Have Risen, And They Are Here To Rock

Four-armed robotic drummer and robo-guitarist cover AC/DC. Nothing more need be said:

Cookies All The Way

As a fellow creme hater, I'm 100% behind David Neevel's latest invention: an OSM. Oreo Separator Machine. It's an acronym. This dude spent 0.04 years on this amazing invention. He also had to keep his neck warm. It was a slog, but well worth it. Cookie technology has been pushed into the 21st century. Finally:

Also, his website is dickbird.org. Lovin' it.

Worst Fleshlight Ever

Wish I'd said that. Got that from a redditor, who was talking about this:

Jiminy Christmas! Some dude caught that bowfishing! I guess that goes without saying. How else could you catch that thing? Oh, right. Harpoon. My friend, Mikey G, said that "fish" was rather phallic looking (but he says that about everything). Said it was a dick with teeth. Which is now the name of my latest screamo band: Dick With Teeth.

via Reddit.

Sweet Review of "Guppies"

I mean, the headline says it all: got a sweet review of my short story "Guppies" in Dark Dimensions No. 12, which is up over at Wattpad. My story and the magazine.

Here's the beef:

And thanks KimFry.

M. Night Shyamalan's Real Genius

Coming in August of '85, M. Night's latest twisty thriller, Real Genius, directed by Martha Coolidge and remixed by dondrapersayswhat.

Zoochosis: Case 5 - Fate

I like the original title better: Mousocracy. But Patrick Scott ended up using rats. Rats! I'd like to take more credit for co-writing this, but in truth Patrick came up with most of this on his own. And even more in post production. The whole Mouse Kingdom? That was Patrick. Bomber that turns into a croissant (favorite part!). Patrick. In fact, the only thing I wrote that ended up in the final cut was the scientists taking notes. I wrote that. And I'll gladly take an oscar for that, thankyouverymuch.

Check out the rest of his crazy work here.

For $360 People of Color Can Learn About White Privilege

I'm not making this up. It's the White Privilege Conference, as presented, if the photo on the front page is representative, by white people. Specifically, Quakers:

Don't get me wrong, totally acknowledge white privilege. In fact, who better to discuss it than white people? And what better way to show it than throwing a conference and charging everyone, including people of color, $360 to attend, but only charging predominantly white Quakers $160 to attend? And why should people of color come to the White Privilege Conference?

People of color learn from this conference that White supremacy, White privilege, racism and other forms of oppression are designed to destroy you. 

Saw this on Nick Mamatas' Livejournal.

National Crystal Meth Hallucination League

From the Comedy Central and the Onion.

Langer: 562  Snakes: 1



Totally awesome.

That's Nature: Ever Seen An Actual Meteor Strike?

Me neither. But here's a comp of the meteor that struck Russia. This is totally amazing/scary/beautiful:



Not to make light, mind you. More than a 1000 people were injured from the impact. More here.

Woman Has Orgasm In Restaurant For No Reason

You may remember the befuddling little film I mentioned previously, called UFO: Target Earth (1974). Well, what I didn't mention then was that about half-way through the film this scene happens:

Now, what first got me was the music. Right off the bat, that tune, "Country Love" caught my ear. Probably because I can't believe anyone would let themselves be recorded singing like that. Second, the lyrics. Let's review:

I wish I had a hundred dollar bill
Just one for ever'day
I would spend them all aw'my true love
But their not send her away
Cause it's that Country Love
Country Love, get while you can
It's only Saturday Night in the country, boy
And it's Christmas everyday for the city man.

Those people pretending to act are yapping over this classic song, so that's as close as I can get the lyrics. There's something in there like "Whatchu going do when the well runs dry?" But that's enough for our discussion, which is: This Fucking Song Rules.

A hundred dollar bill. Really? Just a hundred dollar bill? That's all you wish for? I know, it's 1974. That's a lot of money back then. My little online inflation calculator says that $100 is about equal to $488 in 1974. But, still, not a $1K? Or a $1M? And I have no idea what "But their not send her away means." I mean, I might have heard it wrong, but take a listen, you tell me.

And why exactly is it Christmas everyday for the city man? Cause, as a city man lemme tell you: it's not Christmas everyday.

Now, after all that, this woman has an orgasm, which three onlooking dudes apparently can sense a mile away. They're just gawking at her! And let me state: I didn't edit this in the least. The music, the dudes gawking, the painful acting, the inexplicable orgasm, the little boy crying out for no reason, it's all just as it was presented in the film. I even kept the cut to the next scene in there just so y'all could see the craziness. 

Anyhow, enjoy. 

True Fact: Facts

Objective facts... are debatable.

True Fact: Clams

Despite the easy laughs and quick jokes, we have no statistical or demonstrable evidence that clams are happy. End of discussion.

True Fact: Sharting

It's a life choice. People chose to shart.

Blade Runner Convention Reel: Drool.

Wow, this footage makes the movie look even older. It also makes it feel more gritty and real. For Blade-heads:

Sounds: Film School - He's a Deep, Deep Lake

First time I saw Film School was when they opened for Cat Power at Bimbo's for Noise Pop. I want to say that was in 2003, and if it was, then I've been listening to these dudes for ten years. Jesus. Makes me feel old. Well, actually, the graying hair is wakes me feel old. And all these kids on my lawn. 

Still, Film School rocks it:

'The Directors' - Conversations from a Boy-Hole

Curious that The Hollywood Reporter's round-table interview with 'The Directors' includes not a single woman. Mimi Leder? Kathryn Bigelow? Jane Campion? Sofia Coppola? Julie Taymor? A single A-List female director would have been nice. I don't know how much contrast that would have produced, but at times this conversation feels like a good ol' boys club, like bunch of dudes hanging out in a man-cave Boy-Hole. Sexist much Hollywood? Shocking! And all white dudes, but for Ang Lee. 

That being said, much of the conversation about work and art and time and motivation are pretty universal concepts, and pretty interesting to listen to/watch. And, of course, Tarantino steals the show by shouting, "I have to keep their dick hard!"

Check it:

Ps- note to Affleck, cause I know you're reading: tuning forks don't go out of tune. I know that wasn't your analogy, but I just want to point out to you that it's flawed and that you might not want to be associated with such fallacious ideas. Tuning forks don't go out of tune. That's the whole point of the tuning fork. That's why people use them. They stay in tune. They do, however, fade away...

Bad Writing

Here's what it is: A documentary by Vernon Lott on Bad Writing featuring interviews from: David Sedaris, Margaret Atwood, George Saunders, Nick Flynn, Steve Almond, Yusef Kumonyakaa, Lee Gutkind, D.A. Powell, Kim Barnes, Robert Wrigley, Claire Davis, Daniel Waters, Lynn Emanuel, Daniel Orozco, Mark McGurl, David Nadelberg, Josh Olson, Brenda Shaughnessy, Alex Steele, Michael Wiegers, Miles Corwin,  Sally Wofford-Girand, Jenni Ferrari-Adler, Jillian Weise, and Scott Rice… just to name a few, hmm, yes?

I think it's only streaming for free for a few more days. Check it out or check out the website here.